Friday is here again and with it comes the Fictioneers!
Once again, thanks go to Madison Woods for setting this whole thing up, and her wonderful addition this week is here:
http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/flash-fiction/expectations/
The photo prompt this week was a rare one, with the story hitting me instantly.
So, without further ado, here’s my story this week:
Shattered Memories
Michael sat alone on the bench, listening to the cars passing on the road above. A melancholy smile played across his lips as he remembered the summers spent here with Sarah. Her midnight blue eyes used to look up at him as she nuzzled her head into his chest. Her smile would light up even the darkest night beneath the old country road.
It had been two years since she passed, but she would always be alive at this spot.
The hideous screeching of metal on stone startled Michael as it echoed from the dark tunnel beside the bench, the sparks within illuminating the angular shadow scuttling toward him.
garybaileywriting 
59 comments
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April 13, 2012 at 11:01 am
Sandra
I guess he’s re-living the moment of the accident that took her. Am I right? But the word scuttling sounds even more sinister … so now I’m wondering. Great piece, Gary.
Mine’s at:http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/a-place-to-die-for-friday-fictioneers-13-april-2012/
April 14, 2012 at 7:46 am
Gary
Thank you! I don’t normally write something to be deliberately ambiguous but I couldn’t help myself with this one. I’m leaving it up to each person to decide what’s really happening. 🙂
April 13, 2012 at 11:01 am
tollykit
Not all at what I expected in the last paragraph. That gentle beginning lulled me in a false sense of security. I really do want to know what happens next.
Mine is http://tollykitsjourney.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/flash-fiction-story-1-for-fridayfictioneers/
April 14, 2012 at 7:49 am
Gary
I’m glad it worked that way! Thank you and welcome, by the way, to the ‘Fictioneers.
April 13, 2012 at 11:01 am
EmmaMc
There are some really great stories today this is certainly one of them. So sad and beautifully written. I just loved these two lines
Her midnight blue eyes used to look up at him as she nuzzled her head into his chest. Her smile would light up even the darkest night beneath the old country road.
Very gentle, romantic and sad.
Here’s mine
April 14, 2012 at 7:52 am
Gary
Thanks, I’m not normally one to write emotional pieces so I’m glad what I did write worked…even if it didn’t last long.
I loved yours too, though I’m not sure where my comment has disappeared to!
April 13, 2012 at 11:03 am
Quill Shiv
I’m not sure whether or not to feel bad for Michael. Part of me does, as he is about to die. But the other part doesn’t–he will die where his beloved was most alive for him, and perhaps that is something he would have wanted?
LOL! This is definitely a case of the author being a cruel god! Well done!
April 13, 2012 at 11:03 am
Quill Shiv
Oh! http://quillshiv.com/2012/04/12/flash-fiction-faction-from-agatha/
April 14, 2012 at 7:54 am
Gary
This is interesting for me: I do have my own idea for what’s happening but yours is very different! This has turned out to be an interesting experiment in ambiguous writing, thanks for being a part of it. 🙂
April 13, 2012 at 11:03 am
Mike
A sad story with a hint of menace at the end.
April 14, 2012 at 7:56 am
Gary
Thanks, I hope you liked what you read!
April 13, 2012 at 12:42 pm
erinleary
Ok – you have to finish this to tell me what on earth is coming his way! It leaves me hanging. I like it – very intriguing set up.
mine is here: http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/flash-friday-fiction-2/
April 14, 2012 at 7:57 am
Gary
I’m glad you liked it! I deliberately left it open for the reader to decide what happens, though there’s always a chance I might return to it and expand. 🙂
April 13, 2012 at 12:58 pm
Craig Towsley
Really nice juxtaposition from the grieving calm at the beginning to the horror near the end. Well written and executed, sir.
April 14, 2012 at 7:59 am
Gary
Thank you for the kind words.
April 13, 2012 at 1:05 pm
janmorrill
Very interesting interpretations of your story here. I, too, was lulled into a romantic gentleness, and was startled by the ending. I interpreted it as yet another accident in the very spot, that would also take his life. Then, of course, being the hopeless romantic that I am, I saw their two ghosts walking away hand-in-hand. Excellent success at drawing out our emotions!
–Jan
April 14, 2012 at 8:00 am
Gary
A few interpretations this week, which I’m really happy about. It’s wonderful to read such a romantic take on my twisted little story! Thank you.
April 13, 2012 at 2:44 pm
Michael Fishman
An interesting ending that took my completely by surprise but left me feeling happy because I think Michael is going where he feels he really belongs?
Here’s mine:
http://michaelsfishbowl.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/my-final-rest/
April 14, 2012 at 8:02 am
Gary
Without me realising it, there seems to be something of a resignation about Michael. Thanks for reading!
April 13, 2012 at 2:45 pm
susielindau
Look out!!!!!! Great surprise ending. Loved the twist and shock of the man being jolted out of his reverie into the reality of what is about to hit him.
April 13, 2012 at 2:46 pm
susielindau
April 14, 2012 at 8:06 am
Gary
If the Friday Fictioneers prompts have taught me anything (other than to experiment with and to improve my writing, of course!) it’s how to write twist endings. I’ll be honest and say that this is one of my personal favourites since I started here.
I’m glad you enjoyed it. Maybe I should have included a question, like you did? Ask people what they thought was really happening. Thank you for commenting!
April 13, 2012 at 3:32 pm
elmowrites
I wasn’t sure whether the threat was in his mind or really in the tunnel. Screehcing metal doesn’t seem to match with scuttling for me, but otherwise I thought you captured the romance and yearning beautifully.
I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/friday-fiction-the-tunnel/
April 14, 2012 at 8:08 am
Gary
It’s interesting you should point that out as ‘scuttling’ was something I never fully made my mind up on, it was the only part I struggled with this week.
I like the idea of it not being certain whether the end was real or not, though. Thanks for giving me yet another perspective. 🙂
April 13, 2012 at 4:30 pm
andyfloodwritersblog
I really enjoyed this one, Gaz. Again you show a great talent for this genre. I love how the opening felt to me like viewing a faded photograph, something long cherished. That you then manage to juxtapose that feeling with the weird horror lurking in the tunnel is really impressive and leaves a lasting impression. All of a sudden I was questioning who Michael was and how well (or not) he might have treated his love. Oh… I liked the midnight blue eyes. 🙂
Shameless plug for mine:
April 14, 2012 at 8:14 am
Gary
Thanks again for your lasting support, Andy. As you know, I do enjoy a bit of horror, so this one was an easy sell for me!
Michael may not be the nice guy after all…who knows? 😉
April 13, 2012 at 4:43 pm
Joseph E. Lerner
Well-written. Lovely language and very touching. Got quite an emotional jolt at the end. Here’s mine: http://furiousfictions.com.
April 14, 2012 at 8:19 am
Gary
Thank you for such nice comments.
April 13, 2012 at 4:59 pm
siobhanmuir
I liked the build up to the ending, the remembering he’s doing, just before the opportunity to join his lady. Nicely done, Gary. 🙂
Here’s mine:
http://siobhanmuir.blogspot.com/2012/04/running-100words-for-fridayfictioneers.html
Siobhan
April 14, 2012 at 8:23 am
Gary
Thanks Siobhan, there are definitely a few different ideas floating around about Michael’s nature.
April 13, 2012 at 6:12 pm
Madison Woods
Romantic and sad. It makes me wonder what happened to her and if the noise he’s hearing at the end is a memory or if something is about to happen again. Good suspense building!
April 14, 2012 at 8:24 am
Gary
Thank you Madison! And thanks for such an easy prompt for me this week. 🙂
Gave me a real opportunity to dig into some experimental storytelling and see the different interpretations people come up with for the ending. Really enjoyed writing this one.
April 13, 2012 at 6:20 pm
readinpleasure
For just 100 words, you did a great job combining, mystery, suspense and well a touch of romance. The diction is also spot on. I love this story.
Here is mine: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/flash-fiction-story-eloped/
April 14, 2012 at 8:29 am
Gary
Thank you very much!
April 13, 2012 at 7:23 pm
rich
love the line that she would always be alive at this spot. is the metal/stone/screech suggesting something opening inside the tunnel? someone coming out with a connection to her death/disappearance?
mine: http://brainsnorts.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/flash-fiction-friday-from-madison-woods/
April 14, 2012 at 8:33 am
Gary
The idea was for the reader to draw their own individual conclusions – a bit of a cheeky idea for me this week, I’m afraid! 😉
April 13, 2012 at 9:13 pm
Russell
You threw us a curve there, Gary. Perfectly executed. I flinched in my chair.
mine’s at http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/
April 14, 2012 at 8:34 am
Gary
Wow, I didn’t expect any physical reactions! Thanks for reading.
April 14, 2012 at 1:18 am
epbeaumont
Past or present? Ordinary reality or a precipitous step off the continental shelf into a fantastical abyss? Not clear, in a really good way.
April 14, 2012 at 8:35 am
Gary
I’m glad you liked it. The deliberate ambiguity was something I wanted to try, even if it was just this once…
April 14, 2012 at 2:27 am
writingbothsides
Yeah, this is very good. He’s returning there for a reason. The end line is mysterious and poetic.
Here’s mine: http://wp.me/p1Tjpv-a5
April 14, 2012 at 8:37 am
Gary
Thank you. Never thought the ending would be described as poetic, truth be told, but the compliment is very much appreciated! 🙂
April 14, 2012 at 6:36 am
Amanda Gray Woodward
Definitely want to know what happens! This was great as everyone has said love the romance and twist!
April 14, 2012 at 6:38 am
Amanda Gray Woodward
http://createrealitylivelife.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/something-watches/ here is mine
April 14, 2012 at 8:43 am
Gary
I’ve never really tried romance before, but I knew straight away that I wanted a horror twist to go with it, so I just jumped straight in!
I’m considering expanding on this at a later date, despite the original idea being to deliberately leave it open to interpretation. Thanks for reading!
April 14, 2012 at 8:22 am
Judee
Wow, it started out so sweetly melancholy, but then switched gears. That last line holds so many possibilities, you’ve got my imagination working overtime – but then I get the feeling that is exactly what you wanted… 😉
April 14, 2012 at 8:44 am
Gary
Ha ha, you got it spot on! I wanted everyone to make up their own mind about the ending. So glad you picked up on that. 🙂
April 14, 2012 at 10:14 am
rochellewisoff
I wasn’t sure if the ending was actually happening to him or was in his memory but I see your answer to Judee, so I’ll draw my own conclusions. Nice piece.
April 16, 2012 at 4:32 pm
Gary
Thanks for reading, I hope your conclusions are worthwhile!
April 14, 2012 at 7:13 pm
dmmacilroy
Dear Gary,
You are wicked cruel to your readers and your MC. I loved how what’s coming toward him down the tunnel is illuminated by the sparks of metal on stone. Leaving all of the answers out there in the darkness while unamed evil approaches was a great use of (no) words. Well done.
Aloha,
Doug
April 16, 2012 at 4:40 pm
Gary
Thanks Doug, you got this one to a tee. I’m so glad you enjoyed it!
April 16, 2012 at 5:08 am
tedstrutz
Poor Sarah… gone but not forgotten. Thought I had it all figured out till the end…
http://tedstrutz.com/2012/04/14/100-words-flash-friday-fictioneers-the-underpass/
April 16, 2012 at 4:44 pm
Gary
Thanks for the comment…and for reading! I’m glad the end doesn’t totally detract from the intimacy of the memorial.
April 16, 2012 at 7:04 pm
Janet
I love the ambiguity at the end.
April 19, 2012 at 7:39 pm
Gary
Thanks Janet, I’m actually oddly proud of that. 🙂
April 17, 2012 at 10:37 am
Shirley McCann
Bittersweet. Sad that he’s dying, but it almost seemed fitting since he’d been mourning for the woman he loved.
Mine: http://shirleymccann.blogspot.com/2012/04/nightmare.html
April 19, 2012 at 7:46 pm
Gary
I’m really happy that so many people found it to be sort of romantic. My own idea was much darker but I wanted to leave it open for you to decide.
Thank you for reading.
May 4, 2012 at 7:27 am
Charles Williams
Hi Gary, so much have been said and i still must add, great piece here!
May 4, 2012 at 9:59 am
Gary
Thank you! I was very pleased with this one, very different to how I’d normally write. 🙂