This week could have ended with two stories again, like last week. My original idea was another horror piece, another Silent Hill-inspired tale of darkness – being a big fan of the videogames, the barbed wire fence brings with it a completely different imagery than I imagine it would with others!
Anyway, on my way home yesterday, the idea took on a completely new tone and setting. Again I must thank Madison Woods for her wonderful photo prompts, without which this whole idea wouldn’t be here. To that end, here’s her story this week: http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/flash-fiction/barbed-wire-and-bulls/
As for mine, complete with photo prompt, it’s here:
Hunter/Hunted
The rain refreshed him. Rivulets of cooling water ran down his cheeks, shining softly even in the darkening evening.
His whip of barbed metal, forged in both fire and magic generations ago, was coiled like a jagged snake of blades in his fist, ready to strike.
The city lay empty before him, traffic lights blinking randomly in the darkness, when the shrieking and howling began. Angular shadows, teeth and claws glistening in the encroaching moonlight, scrambled from rooftops and alleyways.
The whip sang its metallic deathsong as it uncoiled to the floor.
He smiled.
Tonight would be a good night.
72 comments
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April 27, 2012 at 10:07 am
Amanda Gray
I love the visual! Metallic deathsong gives it unmistakable sound. Want to read more
here is mine http://createrealitylivelife.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/flash-fiction-story/
April 27, 2012 at 7:48 pm
Gary
Thank you. I must confess to being particularly happy with that line! 🙂
April 27, 2012 at 10:28 am
unspywriter
Oooh, nice and foreboding. Good visual of the barbed wire as a whip–one, wicked whip.
Here’s mine: http://unspywriter.wordpress.com/friday-fictioneers/the-day-after/
April 27, 2012 at 7:49 pm
Gary
It certainly would be a wicked whip!
April 27, 2012 at 10:35 am
TheOthers1
Yes! This reads like the scene from a movie I’d totally go watch. Dark, sinister, exciting. Werewolves and a hunter. That rope sounds cool!
My attempt: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/04/26/sharp/
April 27, 2012 at 10:36 am
TheOthers1
Not rope, whip. Tsk. Great story. 🙂
April 27, 2012 at 7:50 pm
Gary
Thank you. A very enthusiastic response and one that I’m very grateful for! 🙂
April 27, 2012 at 10:45 am
Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
Chilling!
My offering: http://www.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com
April 27, 2012 at 7:52 pm
Gary
Thank you!
April 27, 2012 at 11:30 am
Brandon Scott
Rivulets must be the new “it” word. I’m seeing it everywhere lately and it’s driving me nuts lol. Other than that, I loved this story! I want more!
My attempt: http://authorbrandonscott.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/when-hope-dies/
April 27, 2012 at 7:53 pm
Gary
Thanks! Maybe I’ll write more of this character, when time permits.
April 27, 2012 at 11:42 am
Sandra
Very, very menacing. Now this I’d like to read more of. Nicely done.
Mine’s at: http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/trespass/
April 27, 2012 at 7:55 pm
Gary
Thanks Sandra, it’s definitely one to add to the “things to write” pile. These prompts are killing me with the workload they’re creating! 😉
April 27, 2012 at 12:01 pm
janmorrill
I think you’re a master at sense of place. The more I read, the deeper I went into your story. Excellent!
–Jan
April 27, 2012 at 7:56 pm
Gary
Wow, that’s about as nice a comment as I’m likely to get, thank you! 😀
April 27, 2012 at 12:27 pm
Jonathan M. Wright
I love the dark tone and the setting. Someone already said it but I’d go see this if it were a movie.
http://jonathanmwright.wordpress.com/2012/04/25/only-100/
April 27, 2012 at 7:57 pm
Gary
Thanks Jonathan, that’s very kind of you.
April 27, 2012 at 12:28 pm
Lora Mitchell
Yikes! Creepy, scary, thrilling, chilling, menacing. Not sure who is what? Vampires? Monsters? Werewolfs? Whoever, Whatever, I hope never to meet up with them. You did a great job spooking me. I frighten so easily, I can’t even watch a spooky movie when I’m alone. Here’s mine
http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com
April 27, 2012 at 7:59 pm
Gary
I must admit that although I know what the creatures are, I left it deliberately vague so that everyone saw what they wanted (or didn’t want) to see.
April 27, 2012 at 12:32 pm
Craig Towsley
Whip vs werewolves (or something) is a great premise. This could be a pretty cool videogame itself.
April 27, 2012 at 8:00 pm
Gary
Castlevania already beat me to that, I’m afraid! 😉 Still, I appreciate the comment.
April 27, 2012 at 8:15 pm
Craig Towsley
There were werevolves in castlevania? It’s been years, I thought it was just vampires/
April 27, 2012 at 8:26 pm
Gary
Werewolves were added in some of the newest games – though I wasn’t overly fond of the latest one.
April 27, 2012 at 1:45 pm
Janet
I can’t imagine the horror of a barbed metal whip. I have goosebumps – good work. Here’s mine: http://postcardfiction.com/2012/04/27/scraped/
April 27, 2012 at 8:03 pm
Gary
The idea of a coiled whip came from the picture, the idea to keep the barbed metal just seemed to cool to pass up – the darker character just fell into place after that.
April 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm
JKBradley
If Indiana Jones had such a whip, i wonder…
I’m interested in this story.
Here’s mine: http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/
April 27, 2012 at 8:06 pm
Gary
I imagine Indy would be left with many more cuts than usual! 😉
Thanks for reading.
April 27, 2012 at 2:03 pm
Jeffrey Hollar
Wow. Very intense and foreboding tone to this piece that really draws on in and on. Would love to see this writ larger & longer.
April 27, 2012 at 8:07 pm
Gary
I’m definitely going to keep this one aside for use in a longer tale at some point. Thank you for the kind words.
April 27, 2012 at 2:06 pm
Ritchie
Oh wow! My head has imagery of a super dark not so heroic hero in it now, something from “Spawn” or “The Darkness.” I really enjoyed it, thank you for having commented on mine, this was a really cool first experience.
http://itsgonnagetweird.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/friday-fictioneers/
April 27, 2012 at 8:08 pm
Gary
Those are some hefty references to live up to! 😉
Really glad the dark anti-hero thing worked out, though I’m not even sure he can be classified as even that. In my head he’s not a likeable fellow at all…
April 27, 2012 at 8:16 pm
Ritchie
Sure sure I feel ya. I am a COMPLETE sucker for the misunderstood hero who everyone thinks is an evil asshole but in reality is working in a state of personal sacrifice for the good of all.
April 27, 2012 at 2:13 pm
readinpleasure
Sense of forboding between the words. Would want to read more. Mine is here: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/fridayfictioneers-sobibor/
April 27, 2012 at 8:13 pm
Gary
Thanks very much! Maybe, as I’m in the middle of two major projects right now, this character will see the light of day (or dark of night) in another Friday episode… 🙂
April 27, 2012 at 2:30 pm
erinleary
I this this guy gives me the Freddy Krueger kreeps. Just as he should. Well done in 100 words.
Thanks for stopping by mine.
Erin
April 27, 2012 at 8:15 pm
Gary
You’ve hit the nail on the head with the Freddy vibe! I never wanted the character to be a “good guy,” instead wanting him to be somewhat violent and possibly horrific in visage.
April 27, 2012 at 2:35 pm
Stacy Bennett-Hoyt
Love the visuals, the mix of modern traffic lights and magical weapons. A bit creepy though. Not a place I like to visit. LOL.great job
Mine’s at: http://bit.ly/I78fA3
April 27, 2012 at 8:15 pm
Gary
Thank you! I wouldn’t want to visit the place, either.
April 27, 2012 at 2:45 pm
Andy Flood
You always write with great visual flair (I hope that makes sense) and this is a great example of that. It could very easily be a great opening scene for a cool movie/game/graphic novel… for some reason, it seems to lend itself to visual media.
I love the anti-hero feel of your main guy and the return of those angular, shadowy creatures. The whip-type weapon was a great idea.
Traffic lights blinking randomly, encroaching moonlight and metallic deathsong; all these things work so well in generating a wonderfully rich atmosphere. You go from strength to strength, my friend. Loved it.
Here’s my story, featuring someone you might recognise:
April 27, 2012 at 8:18 pm
Gary
As has become almost tradition, your comments are of great import to me! Really glad you enjoyed it, especially as it was so different from what I’d originally envisaged.
I guess the visual thing comes from my background of art and love of videogames/films! 🙂
April 27, 2012 at 3:59 pm
tollykit
Oh yes! I like this. Any chance there will be more in this vein.
Here’s mine
http://tollykitsjourney.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/flash-fiction-story-3-for-fridayfictioneers-flashfiction/
April 27, 2012 at 8:19 pm
Gary
I’m certain this lovable fellow will return somewhere along the line! 😉
April 27, 2012 at 4:19 pm
susielindau
This is really awesome Gary. Your best so far! I loved the last line and the imagery you built in every line that preceded it.
We had coyotes come into our yard really early last night. They were howling away from the neighbors yard by 6:30! I grabbed my 15 pound Bichon and shut her doggy door for the night…
April 27, 2012 at 8:22 pm
Gary
Haha! You never know what that howling might be from… 😉
Thanks for the nice comment. My best so far? Very flattering, thank you.
April 27, 2012 at 5:39 pm
jeanelaine
Whoa, very cool. Creepy but cool. I love the creepy.
April 27, 2012 at 8:24 pm
Gary
Haha, the creepy can often be cool! Thanks for reading.
April 27, 2012 at 5:49 pm
siobhanmuir
I loved the sense of anticipation and feral joy the narrator takes in his job. Nicely done, Gary.
Here’s mine:
http://siobhanmuir.blogspot.com/2012/04/another-200-words-for-fridayfictioneers.html
Siobhan
April 27, 2012 at 8:24 pm
Gary
He’s definitely not the nicest of characters, this one. 🙂
April 27, 2012 at 8:51 pm
Madison Woods
Ooohhh, sounds like a book or movie I’d enjoy. “metallic deathsong” was a nice touch.
April 28, 2012 at 7:18 pm
Gary
Glad you liked that! I was reasonably proud of that line. 🙂
April 27, 2012 at 11:13 pm
Robert Wyckoff (@TheDrabbler)
I like it. I imagine a world in the midst of a werewolf apocalypse, and this guy’s come to do his part.
Well written, too, which makes it just awesome.
Mine: http://the-drabbler.com/trespass/
April 28, 2012 at 7:30 pm
Gary
Thank you. A lot of people seeing werewolves in the creatures, must be something in the water! 😉
April 27, 2012 at 11:13 pm
Stacey
Yay! Magic! (I think it’s the first I’ve run across so far this week.) Loved “jagged snake of blades” — great image (conjured up some extremely vicious, otherworldly barbed wire in my mind).
April 28, 2012 at 7:32 pm
Gary
I do love a bit of the magical/fantastical, regardless of the tone of the story! Very grateful for your comment, thank you.
April 28, 2012 at 2:04 am
writingbothsides
Your writing is focused and never loses momentum. Nice job.
April 28, 2012 at 7:35 pm
Gary
Thanks very much. I tried to keep it as “on track” as possible. 🙂
April 28, 2012 at 7:33 pm
oni1138
your writing never fails to impress!!
April 28, 2012 at 7:36 pm
Gary
Why thank you, my friend! And once again, welcome to the ‘Fictioneers. 🙂
April 29, 2012 at 2:08 am
Sonia Lal
love the imagery! Very clear and vivid.
April 29, 2012 at 6:20 pm
Gary
Thanks! I do like to “paint with words” as it were.
April 29, 2012 at 5:11 am
Susan Wenzel (@SusanWenzel)
It is coiled up there like a whip, isn’t it? I never even thought of it that way. Well played!
~Susan
April 29, 2012 at 6:25 pm
Gary
Thank you! I had a completely different idea in mind but for some reason I was struck with the whip idea (pun not intended) and it just had to be told…
April 29, 2012 at 7:37 am
V. L. Gregory-Pohlenz
Well, I’m bringing up the tail here–soooooo many wonderful comments, I don’t know what I can add. I’ll just say that I enjoyed it immensely and I agree with the comments that preceed me. Great job!
Thanks for visiting my site–it’s appreciated.
April 29, 2012 at 6:22 pm
Gary
Always enjoy you stories!
Thanks for joining in on mine, it’s been a nice surprise this week. 🙂
April 29, 2012 at 4:49 pm
Anonymous
Great interpretation of the prompt Gaz. I really liked the idea you introduced of his magic whip of barbed metal. I would love to know more about the place and time where it was forged. It feels like the beginning of a story that has a lot more to give. You create a real sence of forboding with the shrieking and howling of the approaching menace(whatever that may be). I am pleased that you leave that to our imagination as the images we form in our own minds can be much more scary. :0
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on mine. I am pleased to know that it reminded you of how a child’s imagination works as that was the effect I was trying to create.
April 29, 2012 at 5:05 pm
Anonymous
Hi again Gaz. I wrote some feed-back on your story at 4.49 April 29th. It came up as from ‘anonymous’ for some reason. It’s from me(Jan Poulton) Hope this displays properly.
April 29, 2012 at 5:06 pm
Anonymous
Sorry. I will have to sort out this problem 😦
April 29, 2012 at 6:24 pm
Gary
Thanks for the comments, Jan. Don’t worry about the “anonymous” thing, it’ll get sorted out, I’m sure! 🙂
Glad you’re well into the swing of things as far as the Fictioneers thing is concerned.
April 30, 2012 at 12:54 am
Nellie
Oh, this sounds really interesting.
I haven’t played Silent Hill. I’m more of a RP game player. 🙂
April 30, 2012 at 4:53 pm
Gary
This story actually has more in common with the old Castlevania series, but I’ve written others based on ideas inspired by Silent Hill.
If you ever fancy a good scare in your gaming then I can’t recommend Silent Hill highly enough. 🙂
Thank you for reading!
May 2, 2012 at 4:14 pm
rich
good job. someone is going to feel some pain on that night.
May 2, 2012 at 4:38 pm
Gary
Definitely! It’s gonna get real messy…